Dag 474: Know who you are at every age

Does anybody really know who they are?

I certainly don't feel that I know who I am and I think I have known this since I was a teenager. If you like a certain type of music and (for example Goth or Punk) then you could say there is a lifestyle that goes with that (including a way to dress) and that should mean that you have a pretty good idea of what you are and what you believe in.

If you look at the list of concerts I went to in a previous post you will see that it is not limited to one style of music. I would certainly admit to being a punk in my youth; I had a fairly large punk record collection and my clothes included an orange mohair jumper and some black pvc trousers with studded belt (all purchased from X Clothes in Leeds along with various other similar items). I also had an orange corduroy jacket that I sprayed the names of various punk bands on (clash, x-ray spex, sex pistols etc) and I can even remember going for a haircut and saying I wanted a spiky punk hair cut and being told that pure punk haircuts were not in anymore and I should let them cut it in a way that would allow my hair to look normal most of the time, but I could spike it up when needed. I agreed but knew the hairdresser were only saying that because he was scared that if he gave me what I wanted he would be facing the wrath of my parents (I was about 13 or 14 at the time). The first band I was in (cloud 9) was also a punk band.

However, I also liked Genesis (who I think were one of the arch enemies of most punks) and also quite fancied myself as a bit of a hippy (again not usually considered the best of buddies with punks).

This feeling of not really knowing who I am has persisted ever since and rears its ugly head at regular times. I often find it hard to make decisions and need to seek opinions from other people. If I really knew who I was I wouldn't need to do this as I woudl just know what to choose. There are certain things that I know I like, so when a choice presents itself if one of the options is related to one of the things I like I will usually go with that one, even if there is evidence that another choice might be better. For example, I am pretty fond of Scotland so will always choose Scottish beef over any other kind. If I am shopping for clothes and have seen a few tops, but am not sure which to get I will see if any of them have a connection with something like. If one is made in Sweden, that is the one I choose (even if it does fit quite right or does really suite me). Or, if there is no better link, I may choose one that is yellow or blue.

Another side effect of not knowing who I am is the fact that I have become quite interested in personality tests in the hope that they might give me some additional insight into the mattter. A year or so ago I did a myers-briggs test and it came out as ISFP. I felt pretty good at the end of it because the blurb did seem to be a pretty good match. I then did a search for ISFP on the internet and saw that the ISFP type is often referred to as a Composer, which pleased me as I used to spend most of my free time writing and recording music.

This morning Daniel sent me a link to a personality test and filling it in was, with me, the work of a moment. I then noticed that the site contained a whole raft of other personality tests so I started clicking away and was in personality test heaven.

I still have a feeling that I don't really know who I really am though.

I'm not really mad am I?

Dag 472: Keep your silence to yourself

I am currently living in a downstairs flat that used to be a house. Therefore there is a bloke living in the upstairs flat above me. His favourate pastime is moving furniture around. I have lived there about 2 and a bit months and every evening that he is in he moves furniture around while I am watching TV. Each morning he must decide that he isn't happy with the places he moved the furniture too the night before because I hear him moving it all back again. There must be something wrong with me, because in all the time I have lived there I haven't moved a single piece of furniture around. I bet I would make a really good upstairs neighbour.

After listing all the concerts I have ever been to on my previous post (and I have thought of some more groups that ar missing, so I will be updating it agin soon) I decided to dig out some of my albums by those groups and go on a bit of a nostalgia trip. I had a copy of Real Life by Magazine that I picked up a couple of years back as I saw it cheap somewhere, but I never got round to playing it because I keep listening to Swedish music all the time. So I put this on and was amazed at how current it still sounded. Once it finished I put it straighth back on for a second airing and decided I needed more magazine stuff as a priority. As well as originally owning this album on LP I also had Secondhand Daylight, whcih I remember also liking very much at the time so I logged on to iTunes to see if I could purchase it there, but they only had Real Life and a couple of compilations, so I looked on amazon instead, but Secondhand Daylight had far too long a lead time so I ordered a 3 cd box set called (Maybe it's right to be nervous now) which is also basically a compilation, but the final cd contains some John Peel sessions that I remember I taped from the radio first time round. I used to be much less blinkered in those days and would listen to John Peel everynight and start recording every song he played. If I didn't like the song by half way through I would press stop and rewind to the end of the previous song and get ready to start recording the next one. I had loads of these tapes and I discovered loads of good bands that way. I wish I still had those tapes now.

I also gave some of my Cocteau Twins cds a replay - I had forgotten just how much I used to like them too. I remember being really impressed that Nicola managed to get the vicar to put on a cocteau twins cd in the church before here wedding. That was the wedding where everyone was seated and the vicar said "Let us pray". Everybody bowed their head apart from Andreas (Catherine's then boyfried - now husband) who stood up. I found that I couldn't stop myself laughing uncontrollably for the whole remainder of the service - but having said that I often get uncontrollable fits of the giggles in church, its probably a guilt thing or something.

I will forget myself......

Dag 465: I just can't get you out of my head

Following on from a great weekend in Stockholm which included a top of the range Kent concert (about which I will write more later) I managed to go and see Tori Amos last night thanks to DJ just happening to mention that his wife was going to the consert on Monday lunchtime. I had no idea that she was doing a tour, although I had bought The Beekeeper with the money I got for my old volvo 1800ES a month or so ago, but had only listened to the first few songs, so I got straight onto the interweb, and after establishing that there were tickets left I then tried to russle up a group of hangers on to accompany me there. After failing to do this I booked a single ticket for myself.

I bought my first Tory Amos album (Little Earthquakes) on cassette back in the early nineties when I used to spend all my time writing and recording songs and she was one of my inspirations (although my piano playing can't even be mentioned in the same sentence as hers - if it could I would probably be famous for my music rather than my blog). Anyway I liked her music more and more as her subsequent albums came out and once I had got my hands on From the Choirgirl hotel, I never played any other cd for about a year. This was around the late 90s and then I started getting into Swedish music in 2000, such as Eva Dahlgren, Marie fredriksson and Kent so Tori did get sidelined a little, but I did order a Tori Amos t-shirt off the web while I was working in Sweden. The t-shirt bore the legend "when pianos try to be guitars" which is a line from Northern Lad, one of my favourate Tori Amos tracks.

So I went to the concert on my own wearing my Kent tour t-shirt so I could look more cool than all the traditionalists who had turned up in their Tori Amos t-shirts. I have to confess to not knowing all the songs, but she did play Northern Lad, which was fantastic and a number of other of her bast songs. It was a shame she didn't do any songs from the studio part of To Venus and Back, but it was still a great concert and I had waited many many years to get to see here play live.

The complete set list was as follows:
Tuesday, June 7, 2005
Glasgow, U.K. - Clyde Auditorium (The Armadillo)

Original Sinsuality | Father Lucifer | Cars and Guitars | Northern Lad | Jamaica Inn | Cooling | Bells for Her

Tori's Piano Bar: Nothing Ever Happens (Del Amitri) | Turn (Travis)

Ruby Through the Looking-Glass | Marianne | Mother Revolution | Yes, Anastasia | The Beekeeper

E n c o r e 1 : Silent All These Years | Merman

E n c o r e 2 : Twinkle | Toast | Hey Jupiter

I have a list in my head of groups I want to see and this list has diminished considerably over the last few years as its not very oftern that somebody gets added to it. Tori Amos was one of the key members of this list, so I thought I had better round this off with a list off all the groups I can remember going to see (in approximate reverse order). This is quite a long list so you may want to make a cup of tea and this point.

Editor's note: I have just decided to update this and include locations and dates where known - I will return to this each time a get a bit more info for it. Please let me know if you have any of the missing information.

Editor's note 10/06/2005: I think I have got about as far as I can get with the dates/venues on this list. If you happen to come accross this and you can help me with any missing/incorrect info please add a comment - thanks.

Editor's note 12/12/2007: My master gig list has expanded again and is now being managed on last.fm and can be seen here.

Tori Amos - Glasgow, SECC - 07/06/2005
Kent - Stockholm - 28/05/2005
Kings of Convenience - Edinburgh, Queens Hall - 12/10/2004
Call and Response - Edinburgh, Queens Hall - 12/10/2004
Kings of Convenience - Glasgow, The Arches - 23/06/2004
Kraftwerk - London, Brixton Academy - 20/03/2003
Roxette - Brussels, Vorst National - 22/10/2001
Björk - Brussels, Cirque royal - 26/09/2001
Sting - Stockholm, Skansen - 09/06/2001
Capercaillie - Scotland, Huntley - 4th - 6th August 2000
Yes - Sheffield, City Hall - 10/02/2000
Karen Matheson - Glasgow, Celtic Connections Gaelic concert
Dougie MacLean - Darlington, The Arts Centre - 1999?
Robin Williamson - Halifax, Square chapel - 28/11/1998
Capercaillie - York, Barbican Centre - 21/09/1997
Clannad - Harrogate, Conference centre -
Everything but the girl - Harrogate, Conference centre -
Cocteau Twins - Leeds, Town and Country Club - 10/02/1994
Emerson lake and Palmer - Newcastle, City Hall - 26/11/1992
Genesis - Leeds, Roundhay Park - 31/07/1992
Cocteau Twins - Sheffield, City Hall - 28/10/1990
Notting Hillbillies - York, Opera House - 29/04/1990
Peter Hammill - Leeds, Irish Centre - 21/02/1990
Donovan - Manchester
Rick Wakeman - York, Opera House - 1989?
Yes (ABWH) - Houston, summit - 28/08/1989
Peter Hammill - Leeds, Irish Centre - 19/04/1989
Here and now - Leeds, polytechnic
Bruce Springsteen - Leeds, Roundhay Park - 07/07/1985
Associates - Manchester, Hacienda
The Psychadelic Furs - Manchester, Apollo - 24/05/1984
Blancmange - Leeds, University - 18/05/1984
Hawkwind - Bradford, University - 01/03/1984
Peter Gabriel - London, Crystal Palace - 09/07/1983
The Undertones - London, Crystal Palace - 09/07/1983
God Squad - Harrogate, Cairn Hotel
Simple Minds - Leeds, University - 27/11/1982
China Crisis - Leeds, University - 27/11/1982
Yazoo - Leeds, university - 06/11/1982
Hawkwind - Bradford, St Georges Hall - 24/10/1982
John Martyn - Leeds, university - 09/10/1982
Genesis (6 of the best) - Milton keynes, bowl - 02/10/1982
John Martyn - Milton keynes, bowl - 02/10/1982
Talk Talk - Milton keynes, bowl - 02/10/1982
Rolling Stones - Leeds, Roundhay Park - 25/07/1982
New Order - Leeds, Tiffany's - 09/03/1982
Caberet Valtaire - London, ICA - 30/12/1980
TG - Manchester, Rafters - 04/12/1980
Killing Joke - London, Trafalgar square - 26/10/1980
U2 - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
Soft Cell - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
Echo and the bunnymen - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
Siouxsie and the Banshees - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
The League of Gentlemen - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
I'm so hollow - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
Altered images - Leeds, Futurama - 13/09/1980
Bauhaus - Leeds, Fan Club - 21/08/1980
TG - Leeds, Fan Club - 24/02/1980
Steve Hackett - Bradford, St Georges Hall - 29/10/1979
Peter gabriel - Bath, Pavillion - 23/08/1979
Random Hold - Bath, Pavillion - 23/08/1979
Steve Hackett - Sheffield, City Hall - 22/06/1979
Magazine -Leeds, University - 05/05/1979
Human League - Leeds, University - 05/05/1979
Simple Minds - Leeds, University - 05/05/1979
Peter Gabriel - London, Hammersmith odeon - 22/12/1978
Penetration - Leeds, Polytechnic?
John Cooper Clark - Leeds, Polytechnic?
The Rezillos - Leeds, Fan Club?
Human League - Sheffield and Wakefield
Orange Juice - Leeds?
Joseph K - Leeds?
Vice Versa (before they changed their name to ABC) - Leeds, Warehouse?
The Buzzcocks - Sheffield, City Hall
999 - Leeds, Fan Club -
Wire - Harrogate, PGs - 29/04/1978
x-ray spex - Harrogate, PGs - 22/04/1978
The Boomtown rats - Leeds, University - 11/12/1977

I may have also seen: Roy Harper, Thompson twins and Rema Rema, but I can't quite remember...


Doesn't that bring back memories?

If you have been to any concerts with me that are not on this list, remind me and I'll add them on.