Dag 1008: Into you like a train

I have been on a few trains of late and I have noticed a few things.

The first thing that I have noticed is that when people arrive at the station they seem to claim a spot to stand on.
They find their spot, which is not too close to any other person, and they just stand there. I presume that most people are hoping that their particular spot will be close to a door once the train stops. Occasional I see someone change their spot, but usually I find that once they have got their spot they keep it until the train comes into view. Once the train appears round the corner and slowly creeps up next to the platform I am reminded of the show Run Ararnd as a number of commuters will suddenly decide to move top another bit of the platform. It is all done with a great sense of purpose and gives the impression that the people who have suddenly decided to move know exactly where the train is going to stop. My only thought is why didn't they just go straight to the spot when they first arrived? Presumably they were trying to catch out other commuters in some way.

The other thing I noticed is that, as the station I leave from is unmanned, people need to buy their ticket on the train. The conductor starts at the back of the train and works his way forwards. Each time the train stops at a station he start at the back again. This means that by the time the train gets into Leeds the conductor never actually makes it to the front of the train and if you don't manage to get a ticket on the train you have to queue up to buy one at the barrier (which can take up to 15 minutes).
This means that people who need to buy a ticket will try and stand at the end of the platforms that will be nearest the back of the train so they can try and get on through the back door first and get a seat as near to the back as possible, thus increasing their chances of securing a ticket during the journey. I started off this way and soon became very stressed trying to make sure I sat near the back. Sometimes I would stand at the back and wait for the conductor to come so I could get my ticket and then find a seat once I had secured my ticket. Once I had my ticket I could relax, but as time went on I found more and more people were trying to sit near the back and there was the added issue that sometimes the conductor would just sit in his room at the back doing soduko and wouldn't start coming around until around halfway through the journey. I also found that on a great many occasions the conductor would announce that his machine was broken so he wouldn't be able to sell anyone any tickets.

After about 3 months of putting up with this train induced stress I finally got my photo taken in one of those booths and got myself a month long ticket.

Now when I arrive at the platform I walk right to the far end where the front of the train will be and get the seat nearest the front. It doesn't bother me whether the conductor is selling tickets or not and I can spend the whole journey relaxing and playing on my PSP.

This afternoon I caught the train back as usual, but noticed that although the train was full no one sat anywhere near me. The 2 rows in front and behind me remained empty though a great many people were standing. I couldn't understand why no one wanted to sit near me. I was beginning to wonder whether it was because of the wicker basket full of rotting fish I had with me, when I heard a voice in my head. It said "Hello Dom, it's me; the spirit of the blog. You haven't done a Weekly Woss Weport in ages and the people are getting restless. No one will sit near you on the train again unless you do a Weekly Woss Weport." I explained that I was usually too tired to watch the Jonathan Ross Show these days and didn't see how I could do another one just at the moment, thankyou very much. At this a few of the passengers nearest to me got out of their seats and moved away. The spirit of Blog said "You have to do a mini Weekly Woss Weport otherwise no one will ever sit near you on the train again".

I was tempted to tell the spirit of blog that I would far prefer it if no one did sit next to me and why didn't he go and annoy someone else instead, but for some reason I found myself agreeing and so here for 1 week only I present the new look partially featured mini Weekly Woss Weport.

As usual I missed the beginning, but while I was getting ready for bed I heard Wossy talking to some guy out of Doctor Who who is now in Torchwood. I haven't seen Torchwood yet, but I did tape the first episode. I'm not 100% sure, but it sounded like there was some sort of talk about homosexuality going on - didn't get the full drift of it though and by the time I was tucked up in bed with my trusty 1920s style powerbook there was a clip of the Mighty Boosh being shown. It was the one that featured Obsidian Blackbird McKnight and a rather good one that is too. Then to the sound of Babooshka being sung by the poofs and their pianos on walked a rather efeminately dressed Noel Fielding and a rather more bearded than normal Julian Barratt. They were interviewed by Mr Woss and it seemed to me that Mr Woss didn't know that much about them. He asked them how they came up with the name The Mighty Boosh and they came up with some reply about Noels brother having big hair (a bit like Adrians used to be), but I personaly think that there is a different reason for calling it that, but I don't think we should be going into that now.
They managed to get through the interview and that meant that it was time for the final guest "Emma Thompson".
She has been on before and I don't have anything to add here so feel free to read the post on this site entitled "The return of the useless napkin bandits" to find out all about her.

All that is left of this special mini Woss Weport is to see who the band is.
It turns out to be Gwen Stefani. I have never heard any of her music before, and once she had sung a few notes I realised why. She sang some song out of The Sound of Music or something that seemed to have been beefed up to try and make it trendy. Some people may have found it trendy, but that doesn't include the music staff on Critical Mass, who are of he opinion that she wasn't actually singing live. Each time there was singing with no music she seemed to hide here mouth behind the microphone, which is probably the best place for it.