Dag 593: The return of the Useless Napkin Bandits

Are you sitting comfortably? - I hope so because its time to put out that fag and read the Weekly Woss Weport.

First up it is an actress. She is called Emma Thompson and she is in a film where she has a rubber nose on and a big false tooth in the middle. I have seen quite a few clips of this film and everytime the nanny looks like Emma Thompson with false bits to make her look older. The interview involved lots of innuendo and also some bits that sounded a bit rude, but without being blatant about it. JR revealed that he doesn't like people other than his wife giving him massages.

Next up is Mr Rob Brydon. Me and Al saw him at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2004 and as we sat on the front row we were right in the firing line for getting spoken to by him. He picked on me twice as I had a bright yellow t-shirt with 'swe' written in bright blue which stood out quite abit, but there was a bloke with a 'jesus wants me for a sunbeam' t-shirt on a couple of seats away from me and, obviously, he got picked on over 10 times.
Rob just mentioned that his latest program had a cgi bird in it, that means that the bird was a script (probably written in perl) that was executed when a certain link was clicked on. Those of you that work in compters will, of course, already know that.

We just saw a picture of mr brydon in a sauna with some people out of little britain being topless women.

Now the Wosster is talking about pompei and various rude messages that have been found carved in the rock. Such messages as "my other sheep is a goat" and "don't touch my thingy with your penis".

The final guests are Jordan and Peter Andre. Jorden is Swedish for "the earth" and is pronounced "Yorden". So if we wanted to say "the earth is round" we would say "Jorden är runt". This is just yet another example of why Sweden is such a good place to live. On the other hand, I have no desire to ever meet Jorden and/or Peter Andre. This means I have to sit here enduring them talking about bald badgers and tits while I wait for the band to come on and play, so I can complete my weport. Now they are discussing fame and the fact that they are on the Zed list. They may be on the Zed list, but they keep showing clips of Rob and Emma in the back room and Emma Thompson is lying on the sofa and she looks a bit drunk in the same way as Gerard Depardu also looked a bit drunk, but Mr Woss went on national TV to stress that he wasn't drunk.

While we are waiting for the band to start up I may as well let you know that my latest 2 CDs that I ordered from amazon arrived today. They are Early by Scritti Politti and The Colour of Spring by Talk Talk - I wonder which one I will listen to first.

The earth and Mr Andre have just left so now we can listen to Cash Machine by Hard 5 (or at least that is what their name sounded like to me).
The song opened with someone playing a hohner. I used to have a green one of these when I was younger. It was exactly the same as the one that new order used, but I had mine years before I had ever heard fo new order.
The song isn't too bad, but "cash machine" is a crap name for a song. If I had written it I would have called it something like "the endless task of the fathomless enigma".
They have now started singing "There is a hole in my pocket" over annd over again and I realise I have heard this song before. The hole in my pocket bit is, in my opinion, the best bit of the song.

So Wossy has ended for another week and you wont be able to read this until I hit the "publish post" button, so here goes nothing........